Been trying to process parenting recently. I have worked with JH/HS students for a long time but have my first JH child. For several years I have been trying to talk to him about life...all aspects of life. Friends, girls, sports, school work, teachers, coaches, pastors, God, hygiene, you name it. Sometimes I get a blank stare...other times I get good questions and dialog. Sometimes it comes weeks later, but as long as it comes, I'm happy.
Is there "one way" to talk to your kids that works for everyone? No way!! But I feel like as long as you have the right motives that you can't talk too much. My motives are to prepare, help process, and sometimes "warn" of potential bad choices. I've tried to teach my kids to learn from others mistakes and ask God for wisdom ahead of time so we avoid the same mistakes.
I've tried to teach them that people act out of hurts...Rick Warren said "hurt people, hurt people..." and we need to be able to teach our kids that. It's out of our own hurts that we hurt others...our fears, insecurity and even our jealousy. So when someone acts out of being hurt and they say something to hurt someone else, we need to be able to not lash back...but understand that they are hurting, pray for them...encourage them.
Every night (at least 99%) Christy and I pray with the boys when they are heading to bed. Most night they each pray and then one of us will pray...sometimes if its too late, i will just pray. One of the things I try to do is always speak blessings into their lives during that time. "God, thanks for letting me be Josh and Jakes dad. God please help my boys to make good choices tomorrow. To be a friend to everyone, a good friend. To be a leader and not a follower...to remember that you created them with a special plan and purpose.".... I try to speak these types of things to them as we drive to school in the morning too...I try to talk about all these things not just when they are in trouble...but even better, when they are doing great...Sometimes Josh will say, "dad, I didn't do that..." and I have to say, "oh, I know son, I'm just trying to give you some advice so when the time comes you will know how to handle it..."
Why am i writing this? Because over the last 15+ years of youth ministry, I believe the biggest problem is that parents talk more to their children when they are in trouble than when they aren't. Can I just say this...you won't regret talking with them...loving on them...speaking blessings into their lives...Help your children see that life is great...even when circumstances aren't...
You've read enough of my rambling...
Go talk with your kids...love on them...and never stop!
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Moving my blog to chapclark.com
12 years ago
